Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize