My room smells like vodka and shame
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
