I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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