it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
