Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
