I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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