I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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