So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
