also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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