So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
