mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
