Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
