Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
