you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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