Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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