Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
