NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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