she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
