just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
