My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
