if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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