I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
