dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
