omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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