I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
