omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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