I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
