You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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