She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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