I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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