i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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