you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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