I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
