i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
