im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His nipple licking is glorious
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