dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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