things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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