i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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