but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
