Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
