I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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