I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
