I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
