I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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