i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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