I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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