He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
