How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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