Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
