the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
