shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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