i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
