You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
