hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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