Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize