butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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