Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
