Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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