My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
