Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
