Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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