She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize