got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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