And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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