Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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