Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
