how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
