I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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