He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
